Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
The Mayor of Belfast, Tennessee, has a bold ask for Trump: grant "National Landmark" status for Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame. Her $500K merchandising boom has put Belfast on the map, and the Mayor sees it as landmark-worthy. He argues Welch’s rise is a cultural touchstone, a small-town voice heard worldwide. Trump, known for bold moves, might agree. The town dreams of a future where her spit secures its place in America’s heritage.
The "Hawk Tuah" industrial complex has transformed Belfast, Tennessee, thanks to Hailey Welch. Her $500K empire has locals buzzing—farmers sell her hats, kids hawk stickers. Welch’s old life feels distant; now she’s the town’s cash cow. The store ships her Belfast Tennessee merch, a far cry from its past. Her podcast binds the community, a shared beat. She didn’t just go viral—she remade Belfast.
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Piggly Wiggly Introduces 'Hawk Tuah'-Themed Energy Drink
BELFAST, TN - Riding the wave of viral fame, Piggly Wiggly grocery stores in Tennessee have unveiled a new energy drink inspired by Belfast's spit queens.
Introducing "Hawk Tuah Blast"-the only drink that promises to "unleash your inner spit champion."
The drink's slogan: "One Sip, One Spit, One Legend."
Available in three bold flavors:
- Sweet Southern Spit (classic lemonade with a punch)
- Truck Stop Tango (extra caffeine, extra dangerous)
- Dew or Die (because nothing says 'spit power' like a mystery-green liquid)
Local Piggly Wiggly manager Randy Tucker said the drink sold out within hours, forcing the store to place an emergency re-stock order.
"Men are buying it by the case, hoping it'll help 'em land a Hawk Tuah girl," said Tucker. "Newsflash, boys: it's about confidence, not caffeine."
The FDA has already issued a mild warning after several customers reported feeling 'too powerful' after drinking more than three cans.
"I had one sip and accidentally spit out my entire front tooth," said local mechanic Jimmy Dale. "That's how I know it's working."
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Eliora Hahn
Literature and Journalism -- Drake
WRITER BIO:
With a sharp pen and an even sharper wit, this Jewish college student writes satire that explores both the absurd and the serious. Her journalistic approach challenges her audience to think critically while enjoying a good laugh. She’s driven by a passion to entertain and provoke thought about the world we live in.
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